“Not again,” growled Mr. Ashes. “Get out of there!”
I sniffed and sniffed, oh yes I did…
“I’ll rip out your entrails and set them on fire,” he snarled.
“Entrails are tasty!” I clung to his leg. “Mate with me, Mr. Ashes? Will you? Will you?”
“For the last time, it’s Rexxanathostrazor’mol. And just because I’ve cavorted with more species than I can count doesn’t mean I’ll lie with a dog.”
“But I’m not a dog,” I said as he tried to shake me off. “I’m a dog-ter.”
That didn’t stop Mr. Ashes from trying to get rid of me…
I loved playing with Mr. Ashes, even if he wouldn’t mate with me.
Sometimes he made me feel like a clumsy puppy, because he’d stick out his foot and my hind paw–foot–would get caught on it!
“Go home,” he said.
“Mate with me,” I said, “then I will!”
“For all I know, this is another one of the Institute’s tests to see if I’m prepared to ‘resist reasonable levels of everyday temptation’ as an instructor. Unpaid leave is a special kind of fiery hell.”
I didn’t really know what he was talking about. All I knew was that he smelled good and I wanted him to mate with me SO. BADLY.
“Grrrr, mate with me!”
He grabbed Velvet Petalpaws Ravensbane by the collar and started dragging her away! Again.
“I told him to get you a leash,” said Mr. Ashes. “Next time, I’ll set your tail on fire.”
“Grrr…” Why didn’t he want Velvet Petalpaws Ravensbane?
Dark Lord Father put a spell on me when I got home to “calm me down,” but I didn’t want to calm down. Velvet Petalpaws Ravensbane wanted to mate, just like everyone else!
If Mr. Ashes wouldn’t mate with me, I could mate with him!
We’d mate all day!
And then we’d have dog-ters and dog-sons!
I told Dark Lord Father and Dark Lady Mother of my mating plans when I woke up…
“Absolutely not, Velvet,” Dark Lord Father said. “You’re forbidden from mating until worms eat your corpse.”
“Worms…will eat her?” said Dark Lady Mother.
“Eventually, yes–and you’ll rot as well. You’re a tree, Primrose; you of all people should know this.”
“But I want to mate nowwwww,” I whined. “Arooooooooooooo.”
Dark Lord Father sighed. “Mating is an unholy, painful practice unsuitable for daughters, especially ones of your tender years.”
“But don’t you and Maw-ther–Mother–mate?”
“M-mate? Of course, as every virile warlock needs to release dark energies with the mother of his spawn.” He pulled my mother against him. “This is mating. The only level permissible within this house.”
My father almost never touched my mother, even though I knew she wanted him to. “More!”
He did do more! “Do you see, Velvet? Clothing on at all times.”
Dark Lady Mother was having trouble finding words! I was like that too, when I really wanted to mate. “…”
“This doesn’t look like how the forest animals do it,” I said.
“How about this?” Dark Lord Father said.
Now I was thinking about mating with Mr. Ashes…
But I wasn’t allowed to mate…
I gave my paw-rents–parents–some time alone before asking Dark Lord Father about mating again…
“Concentrate on your witch studies, Velvet,” Dark Lord Father said. “We’ll discuss this again when you cease licking toads in the middle of your incantations.”
“But I really really want to mate, oh yes I do.”
He sighed. “And what makes you want to do so this desperately?” he asked. “You’re a girl, not a dog–you’d do well to remember that.”
“Because,” I said, “then I’ll have a mate and pups!”
Dark Lord Father coughed. “You’re much, much too young for pups…”
“But I don’t want to be alone anymore…whenever you go away, it’s just me and Dark Lady Mother, and sometimes she falls asleep standing up, and she can’t run when I run, and you don’t like to play with me like Mr. Ashes does, but Mr. Ashes keeps saying he’s going back to school soon… Why can’t Velvet Petalpaws Ravensbane go to school?”
He blinked at me. “I…I never realized, Velvet,” he said quietly, laying a hand on my shoulder. “Has it been so terrible, living alone with me–and then Primrose–for all these years?”
“I want to play…if I had pups, I’d always have someone to play with…”
He looked up at the ceiling, then back down at me. “If…if you’re a good girl, and you progress well in your lessons without any life-threatening incidents or stray demon summonings, I’ll consider enrolling you in a special school. But you have much to learn, Velvet, both as a witch and a girl.”
But Velvet Petalpaws Ravensbane would do anything to have new friends to play with!
She’d be a very good girl.